


Regress

by diefleder_tey



Category: Arashi (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Eating Disorders, Gen, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:16:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diefleder_tey/pseuds/diefleder_tey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Are you a popstar feeling the pressure of fame?  An idol starting to crack under the workload?  Lost your grip on reality?  Dr. Ninomiya can help you at his specialized clinic for celebrity clientele.  He offers the utmost confidentiality - but it'll cost you.  After all, everyone needs an escape from the cruelty of real life.  <i>Everyone</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regress

**Author's Note:**

> Written for jadeswallow for 2011's [**je_squickfic**](http://je-squickfic.livejournal.com).

  
Ryo chewed on his lip and squirmed in his chair. He had his feet on the seat, his knees up against his chest, like a young child might sit while being forced to listen to an adult talk. He sat on his hands and didn't make direct eye contact. "Fine," he answered. With a little more confidence, he added, "I'm doing okay, Dr. Ninomiya."

"Just 'Nino,' remember?" the other replied. Nino sat across from him in another chair, his manner completely different. Instead of nervous, he was calm; instead of balled up, he was stretched out in his chair. And where his patient avoided looking him directly in the eyes, Nino didn't bother looking at all, choosing instead to keep busy by writing notes on sheets of paper in a folder on his desk.

"Dr. Nino."

"Just Nino," he repeated. "You don't have to be formal just because you're in session with me."

Ryo let out a small laugh and nodded.

"Fine, huh?" Nino glanced up and looked over the top of his glasses.

The weight of the glance was too much for Ryo; he shrunk in his chair and gave an even more embarrassed smile back. "Yeah, yeah, really good." The smile dropped away. "Why? It's not because I look tired, right?" He rubbed at his eye, the skin on his cheek tight and much too pale. "I always look like this, you know that."

Nino didn't answer. He continued to sit quietly and look at his patient, pen tapping lightly on the page.

"Okay, I haven't slept well," Ryo gave in, somewhat annoyed. "I had a lot on my mind this week. I came up with a new song. I think I've got it mostly worked out, but I need my guitar to finish it, so I was thinking-"

"We have an agreement," Nino answered. "I'll allow the guitar once you hit your target weight. But according to your chart," he said, pausing to look at it, "you lost again this week."

"Shit," Ryo said, sliding down in his chair and thumping the back of his head against it in frustration. He fished around in his pocket until he found a pack of cigarettes.

"You're still smoking?"

"Come on, Doc," Ryo grumbled.

"Smoking destroys your appetite," he answered matter-of-factly with his hand outstretched. "Cough them up."

"I'm not here to quit that," Ryo protested, a cigarette already in his mouth and blocking some of his words.

Nino didn't relent. Ryo was already about to cave under the pressure of being stared down, but he thought an extra reminder would help. "If you were at a standard hospital they'd have you on a feeding tube already. And we're not really equipped to deal with your a-"

He slapped the pack into the doctor's hand. "I'm not that bad."

"I got a report from the cleaning staff that you've been stuffing food all over the clinic to get out of eating it."

"That's not my fault," Ryo protested. "It's not my fault! I'm not trying to avoid it, they just keep giving me fish, I can't stand-"

Nino put up a hand. "Okay, okay, I'll talk to food services."

"Nino?"

"Hm?"

"I don't want to go to a hospital."

"I know," Nino answered, continuing to write in the folder. "Do me a favor, huh? The nutritionist knows best, so if you get fish again, just try to eat a little of it, okay? It's there for a reason. At least a bite?"

Ryo sighed. "Yeah, sure."

"Eat a couple of bites and I'll reconsider the guitar. Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Can I have my cigarettes back?"

"What do you think?" Nino replied with a smile. "You're doing better, you know."

Ryo stood up with a lazy snarl on his lips. "I don't feel better." As he uncurled, it was easy to see that his clothes were too big - intentionally baggy pants, the leather jacket closed up to hide his real frame.

Nino gave a smile with a slightly sarcastic edge to it. "Trust the process, huh?" He stood too, slipping the pack of cigarettes into the pocket of his white coat before ushering Ryo out of his office. "I promised I'd help, right?"

"Yeah," Ryo replied, nodding. "Thanks, about that."

Nino returned the gesture. "Just a few more weeks, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

As soon as Ryo left the office, voluntarily heading back to his room in the clinic, Nino took the glasses off and placed them in his other pocket, rubbing his face where the frames had weighed too heavily on his nose. He scooped up the file and headed to the office next to him, holding it out as an offering. "I've got a case study for you."

Dr. Nakamaru Yuichi was busy reading over his laptop, hitting the backspace button several times and typing in new words, mouthing them as he went along. "You know I'm not interested in eating disorders," he eventually said without even glancing away.

"I know," Nino replied, leaning up against the door frame and sliding the folder under his arm. "I wasn't talking about Nishikido. I'm meeting with a potential new client in a little bit - sounds like he's suffering from anxiety."

He continued to type without looking up. "Oh?"

"News personality, on NTV, I think."

Nakamaru stopped. He grinned. "That's kind of small for you, isn't it?"

Nino shrugged. "My clinic's motto is to help anyone in need, no matter how big or small their fame."

"So his family's rich, then?"

"I think the attention might be getting to him," Nino continued, not deigning to answer the question. "If he's interested, would you be willing to co-sign on his committal?"

Nakamaru leaned back in his chair and drummed his fingers on the desk in thought. "Sure." He opened up a drawer on the lower left side of the desk and pulled out a packet of information and release forms, handing it to his colleague. "I'm getting nowhere with this proposal - I could probably fit him in this afternoon if you could get a jumpstart on his paperwork."

Nino saluted. "Will do. Thanks."

"No," Nakamaru said with a wave, turning his attention back to the laptop. "Thank you. Oh, Okada's definitely coming in this week, by the way."

Nino scowled. "Great."

*

"Have a seat," Nino gestured. He went to his own chair, stopping mid-stride to reach into his pocket for his glasses, accidentally choosing the wrong one first and finding Ryo's pack of cigarettes in his hand instead. He quickly replaced them, checking the other for the right item; he put the glasses on as he scooted up to the desk and opened a new manila file. He clicked his pen.

The other man nodded and quickly sat. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Dr. Ninomiya."

"Please," he replied, "just call me Nino. I'm not very fond of formalities."

"Ah," the other man said, smile wide and almost too bright for reality. "Sakurai Sho," he continued, extending his hand. When Nino didn't look up from the folder, he sat back, embarrassed. "You can just call me Sho, too. All my fans do."

"Uh-huh." Nino put the pen down and looked up. "Tell me a little bit about your life, Sho."

"Well I graduated from Keio University after going through their educational track from age-"

Nino interrupted, polite smile intact. "Let me rephrase that - why are you here?"

"I'm having trouble sleeping lately."

"Did you see a regular physician about that?" He went back to writing down in the file.

"Yes, but I don't think he understood the problem," Sho answered. "It's not just the sleeping, I've been having trouble breathing too. It's not a regular thing - it only happens after broadcasts. When I first started, I was only on once a week for a short segment late at night, and I never had any problems then. Now they've promoted me to the full week and they have me starting my own midday informational program in a month."

"Do you have stage fright?"

"No, I was always the star in school plays when I was a kid," Sho said. "I feel fine when we're taping or live. But once I'm back in my dressing room it feels like my chest tightens up and I can't breathe. I thought maybe I was allergic to something so I had them remodel the room and replace the wardrobe - it's still happening. I'm in perfect shape too."

"Uh-huh."

"I can't let it go on, not with the new show starting," he said. "And sometimes, I start thinking...." He hesitated. "Not being able to breath is a real problem, isn't it!"

"Sakurai-"

"Please, 'Sho' is perfectly fine."

Nino paused. "To be blunt, I'm assuming you came to me because you're aware that my clinic serves a particular clientele."

Sho nodded and exhaled. "I'm friends with a few politicians - I was told that you...take extra steps to keep certain information confidential."

He smiled. "Sounds like maybe you need proof. Come with me." Nino led Sho out of the office and down the hallway. At the end was a large door with a uniformed guard, who, as soon as he saw his boss coming, stood up and pressed an electronic code into a keypad, opening the door. "It's locked from this side, you have to have clearance to come into the offices." Before Sho could ask why, Nino simply answered, "We've had one or two patients in the past who got confused about their location a lot - accidentally walked in on other people's appointments."

Behind the door was the actual clinic, a common area with a television and various activities - magazines, art supplies - staff peppered throughout, either guarding patients or keeping tabs on their health. "If you decide you'd like to stay in the clinic as a voluntary patient," Nino explained, "you'd have your own room. That locks, for privacy."

"Here?" Sho asked, a little spooked. "But...aren't there crazy people here?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Point taken."

"The wings are designed to cluster similar durations of stay," he said, leading him down the hall straight across from the offices. "The hallway down the left is mostly for people who stay over night, or check in on a weekly basis, temporary stays."

"That's the wing I'd be in, right?"

"Most likely," he answered, stopping to look at him. "Depends. The hallway down the right is for patients who really need long term care. Um, before we go on, can I ask? You know people, right?"

Sho nodded. "What are you getting at?"

"Well," Nino said, looking around to make sure they were alone. "There's a gossip reporter who works with your show right? I was wondering if maybe she got advanced copies of singles, to report on. Maybe you could ask her something for me?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Ah, just," Nino answered coyly. "This musician I really like. Nishikido Ryo?"

Sho smiled and laughed. "You're kidding! I know who you're talking about - everyone does! I have his first two albums - I even saw him play a club before he hit big. I've been bugging her about the single for weeks now. Apparently he decided to concentrate on the next album instead - there's word that some legendary producer is really interested in working with him. Look, if you can help me out, I promise I'll set you up in free Nishikido CDs for life."

Nino smiled and held out his hand, shaking it, before gesturing for Sho to continue following him down the hall. "Sorry about that - I had to ask. Anyway, this hallway is-"

"Somewhere in between," Sho answered.

"Right. Moderate cases, so to speak. Here we go. This is typical of all of our rooms," Nino stopped in front of a door and stood on his tiptoes to peer into a small glass window at the top.

"That doesn't seem very private," Sho commented.

"We have to have them for safety reasons," Nino answered. "But I promise you no one outside of this building will ever know that you were here." After a moment he stepped back and held out his hand, indicating for Sho to take a look.

Sho peered in, taking in the scope of the room - admiring the wall of curtains tacked into place over the windows and the muted tones of the walls - before he realized he was actually invading another person's privacy. Ryo himself was stretched out over his bed, flipping channels on the tv in an agitated manner - punching the button quicker and quicker every time a program he wasn't interested in popped up. He had changed since his appointment earlier, electing instead of the tshirt, jacket and jeans to relax in just a pair of sweatpants that sat low on his hips. His hips which Sho could see especially well - sharp fixtures underneath entirely too taut skin.

"You haven't heard anything about this, have you?" Nino asked.

"Exhaustion?" Sho asked, looking back at him.

"Something like that," Nino answered.

"He looks terrible," Sho replied. "The stress must be getting to him." He backed away from the window. "I had no idea."

"No one does, and," Nino continued, "in exchange for your confidentiality, I'm willing to waive the fees for your first week with us."

Sho nodded in thought and glanced at the window.

Nino could read his hesitation. He put a hand on Sho's shoulder. "He's one of the biggest acts in the music business right now and no one knows he's here, right? We even have an escort service if you're worried about the paparazzi following."

"Can I ask one more question? Won't Nishikido be mad that you let me look in?"

He smiled. "No, I asked him earlier."

"Really? He was okay with that?"

"Who do you think helped him get a contract?" Nino replied, heading back down the hall. "A mutual friend of ours owned that club he started in."

"You're kidding!"

"If you'll follow me back to my office, we can start your paperwork. I have an appointment open this time tomorrow if you want to get started on the the...ra...py." Nino looked off to the side as they passed through the common room. The guard at the security door had already waved and was starting to punch the code to let them through. Nino put up a finger to halt him before walking toward the hallway to his left. "Hang on a second," he said, absentmindedly.

The first light in that hall kept shorting out, the brightness flickering at different intensities based on the time of day. Sometimes it went out all together - something it did as soon as Nino reached the first room and lifted his head to see through the window.

The patient inside was sitting on his bed staring at the corner, unmoving. Nino lightly tapped on the window - no reaction. The body was still, no motion outside of seamless breaths.

"Who's in here?"

Nino turned to see Sho standing behind him. "I just wanted to check on him," he answered. "He's been here the longest." He backed away, leaving the window unguarded.

Sho stepped forward. "Oh, wow. I thought he had retired."

Nino shot a look at him before pushing him over to peer through the window again. The patient had turned around and now stared in his direction, his eyes focused just slightly left of the door, his jaw slack and his expression empty - there was no awareness reflected in his eyes. Nino felt a slight chill in his spine at the sight.

"He was an actor, right?" Sho asked. "Ikuta Toma? Huh. I remember a couple of years ago he said he wanted to concentrate on other pursuits." He gave a sigh of relief and looked considerably more relaxed. "Dr. Ninomi-" He caught himself. "Nino, do you think I can get this taken care of before my new show starts?"

Nino smiled and ushered him back to where the guard was waiting with an open door. "I'll see what I can do. By the way, I have a colleague who does research on anxiety, big name in his field - he writes grants and reviews case studies for publication. It's just a way to raise more money for the clinic. Everything's anonymous - any interest in letting him review your progress?"

Thirty minutes and a number of forms and handshakes later, Sakurai Sho left the clinic wearing his well polished performance smile. Nino threw his glasses onto the desk and sat in his chair with a plop, exhausted.

"Hey." Nakamaru stuck his head through the open door. "I'm heading out."

"Yeah, okay," he answered. "I think Ikuta might have had an episode today - I'm thinking about maybe upping his meds just in case, see what happens."

Nakamaru nodded in thought. "That's probably a good idea. Hey, don't forget-"

"I know, I know," Nino grumbled. "Okada's coming this week."

"Okada's coming _tomorrow_ ," Nakamaru corrected. "Apparently he asked the hospital to change his schedule around so he could spend more time here."

Nino rubbed his hands over his face, pulling down his bottom lip in an exaggerated gesture. "Fuck," he said, lingering on the word and stretching it out as long as he could stand. "Call him and tell him we don't need him." He immediately had to shake out his left hand, cramping in the wrist from holding it at the wrong angle. "Damn Carpal."

"Okay," he replied, nodding. "Or not because we're already overworked-"

"Fine, fine, fine," Nino grumbled. "At least ask him to wait until Thursday - I don't want him around during my first session with Sakurai."

Nakamaru nodded in agreement and waved good-bye; Nino couldn't be bothered to return the gesture. Instead, as soon as his fellow doctor was out of sight, he put his hand straight into his pocket and pulled out Ryo's cigarettes. He went through three in a row before he tossed the pack onto his desk, leaned back in his chair and accidentally fell asleep.

*

Nino tapped the pen against the desk. "Is that all you're going to do?"

In the patient chair sat one Shibutani Subaru - and unlike other patients who hesitantly shared their feelings or sat before Nino like a dog waiting to be scolded, he openly and defiantly made it known that he wasn't interested in any form of therapy. Nino had tried a series of questions for that morning's session, all of which were met with silence as Subaru's quest to slowly pick apart the shirt he was wearing thread by thread marched on.

Nino sighed, pen tip back to paper. "Nothing at all then?"

Subaru had a good pull on a thread, yanking it out to at least an arm's length. He wrapped the slack around his arm to get another good tug out of it, lifting his other hand to extend his middle finger.

Another sigh. "Can't blame you. I'm the same way." He looked down at the paper in front of him. No notes, just doodles - the most random of things, except the stick figure doctor hitting a long-haired patient's head off of his body with a bat like a whiffle ball. He stuffed it into the file folder full of similar drawings and little to no information. "I hate doctors too." Nino stood up and opened the door where an orderly was waiting outside. "Okay, you can go back to your room."

For the first time that day, Subaru looked at him, wearing a smile so big that it caused wrinkles all around his cat-like eyes. "Great," he finally said, walking out of the door and sharing his change in disposition with the orderly.

A similar smile curled on Nino's lips. "You know what? I think I'll escort you back to your room today too."

Subaru's shoulders slumped as he tried to maintain the smile out of pure spite - cocking his head to the side, trying to hang on to it. The spark had already extinguished in his eyes.

Nino leaned over. "I told you, I'm the same way."

They walked mostly in silence until the orderly opened the locked door, giving Subaru free reign to ditch his guards. He instantly went to the couch in the common area, shoving himself next to the other person there and staring at him until he turned his attention away from the tv.

"Go away," Ryo told him.

"Excuse me," Subaru said, very seriously. "Are you Nishikido Ryo? You're famous or something, right?"

Ryo pushed him in the arm. "Shut up."

"Please! Give me an autograph or let me tattoo your name somewhere, I'm a huge fan! Can I have your used tissues?"

Ryo pushed him again and Subaru relaxed and slumped back in his seat. "Want to go smoke?"

"Are you fucking kidding me, of-" Ryo glanced over his shoulder and met eyes with Nino, who hadn't stopped smiling since he entered the clinic. "I'm not supposed to," Ryo grumbled.

"Great, all the more reason to do it," Subaru answered.

"Hey, actually, Doct- er, Nino," Ryo said, scrambling over the couch, jumping it to catch him before he walked away. "There's something weird going on with my room."

"What's that?" Nino asked.

"Well, some guys came in there earlier and said that there was something wrong with the windows, so they took down all the blinds and stuff."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Nino said, realization in his voice. "I thought the night staff had alerted you. There's a mandatory building upgrade before our next inspection, some of the windows aren't up to code. Don't worry about it, they'll be done in a day or two and be out of your way." Nino gave him a reassuring look. "The blinds and curtains will be back as soon as they're done."

Ryo started chewing on his lip as he nodded.

"You can come hang out in my room," Subaru commented from the couch.

"That's a great idea, Shibutani," Nino said back to him. "Dr. Nakamaru wanted to test out the effectiveness of a new lecture-based therapy and I told him you were free. I'm sure he'd be happy to have several subjects at once."

Ryo patted his friend on the shoulder. "You're on your own," he said, heading toward another area of the common room.

Subaru reached out after his hand to no avail. "I can't win," he muttered, curling up on the couch.

Nino leaned over and whispered, "I'm not kidding, either. Maybe next time you'll be more cooperative." He patted Subaru on the shoulder, still grinning, and walked over to the nurse's station.

"May I help you, Doctor?"

"Can I see Ikuta's chart please?" Nino took it in hand and grabbed a pen from the desk, quickly writing in new instructions. "Let whoever does the night medications know that I'm upping his risperidone, so they need to monitor his temperature and blood pressure closely, okay?" He handed back the chart with an appreciative nod. "Go ahead and give him the new dose at lunch, too."

"Yes, Doctor Ninomiya."

He cringed. "Just Nino's fine." He glanced at his watch and realized that his next appointment stood a good chance of beating him to his office. It was not in Nino's nature to panic, so even as he rushed back, his stride never topped that of a well-paced walk. He had just enough time to check with his receptionist and get the right folder before Sakurai Sho came in.

"Take a seat," Nino said, picking through the paperwork.

"Thanks. It happened again yesterday, the breathing thing," Sho replied. He set his bag down to the side and settled in the patient chair. "I couldn't seem to get a handle on it no matter what I tried and this morning I was so afraid of it that I almost considered calling in sick so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I'll be honest, I wasn't really able to sleep last night eit-"

"Uh-huh," Nino replied, finding the sheet he was looking for. "Before we continue, it looks like you haven't filled out the payment information yet."

Sho smiled, slightly confused. "I thought you said this first week was free in exchange for my confidentiality."

"It is," Nino replied. "But I've never been able to resolve a problem in just a week and we'll need payment to continue after that."

"Oh," Sho nodding, as if he should have realized before.

"I like to set it up before treatment since sometimes conditions can get worse."

"Worse?" Sho asked, shifting his position in the chair. "How does that happen in a clinic?"

Nino shrugged. "Disease is funny like that. Do you feel tired a lot?"

He blinked. "Um, yeah, I have been lately."

"Nervous?"

"Well there is the new show-"

"You're under a lot of stress," Nino continued.

"You could say that," Sho answered.

"Which means," Nino said, "it may not just be anxiety related to the news show. You might be suffering from GAD."

"GAD?"

"General Anxiety Disorder. And that's the problem, if we just treat the episodes you might not get any better and your daily anxiety might get worse - there might be a larger issue going on," he explained. "Or, you might feel fine for a bit and then regress."

"That makes sense."

Nino nodded and slid the financial consent on the desk toward him. "It's just standard procedure to make sure you're covered - that way we get paid and you don't have to stop treatment."

"I see," Sho said, taking the paper and glancing through. "About that. I meant to ask yesterday - you have an awful lot of staff here."

"To make sure your needs are met."

"Right," Sho replied, still reading. He looked up. "But I didn't see many patients about."

"As I said, we serve a particular clientele. It tends to cut down our numbers."

"Yeah, I guess it would. This release form...."

"Standard consent. In the case of insurance refusing to pay we have a means of contacting your estate about reimbursement. Discreetly, of course."

"I see." Sho started filling out the page.

"You were desperate not to go to work today?" Nino said, switching gears again.

Sho was slightly distracted. "I wouldn't say desperate, but I had to spend extra time in makeup to get rid of the bags under my eyes."

"How do you feel about an overnight stay tonight?"

He hesitated.

"Don't worry, you'll be free to go in the morning. I'm just interested in getting an observation." Nino smiled. "Plus we might be able to give you something to help with the insomnia."

Sho nodded, perking up at the promise of a sleep-aid. "Okay, I can try it tonight."

"Glad to hear," Nino said. He tipped his head up to get a better view of Sho's form. "Just sign at the bottom and we'll start discussing treatment."

*

"Are you staying late for the new admission?"

Nino made a small gesture in response. "I want to make sure his stay tonight's comfortable," he replied to the charge nurse.

"Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, thanks." Nino had nearly an hour to kill and he wasn't terribly interested in eating. Sho had managed to call at least twice after his appointment, pushing back the arrival time due to work. During the second call his voice was so weary, Nino was almost positive that Sho would be thankful to have a quiet, solitary environment. He was banking on it.

"How's Ikuta doing?" he spoke up, getting the nurse's attention before she could return to her station.

"Temp and BP normal," she replied. "I was told to check it every hour."

"Once a night should be okay," he answered. He walked toward Toma's room, glancing up at the flickering light out of habit. This time, Toma was lying on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Any change in movement?"

"No, nothing new."

He nodded to dismiss her and kept his eyes on the patient, squinting in concentration. Toma didn't move - not for twenty minutes. "Huh," Nino finally said, backing away from the door.

With time left, he started roaming the halls, nodding politely at staff and acknowledging patients out on the floors. He peeked in a few rooms, some he had already checked on that day, more out of boredom than necessity. He kept a strict curfew, everyone confined to their rooms for the majority of the night. When asked about it, he gladly explained that some patients dealt with the lack of daylight better than others. It was in everyone's best interest if a paranoid schizophrenic in his care wasn't wandering the halls alone late at night.

Nino came to Ryo's room and quietly, slowly, raised up on his toes to peer in. He could see Ryo staring at the windows, the clear and glossy glass reflecting his image back in a way the tv screen or the water in his sink couldn't. Something wasn't right with the way they were installed - there was a slight tilt to the glass, giving a skewed reflection that distorted the way the room reflected. Ryo was in just his sweat pants again, eyes focused on himself, lost in thought.

"Sir?"

Nino looked to the side. One of the night staff had brought Ryo's dinner. "Just doing a little observation," he explained, stepping back and letting him in. He stayed away from the open door, out of view, and as soon as the latch clicked shut, resumed his watch.

Ryo was genial, snapping out of his stare and smiling kindly at the staff member. He looked excited and mouthed something about starving. The night staff left the tray on the bedside table and headed toward the door. Nino moved once more to let him out.

"Sir?" he asked again.

"Hang on," Nino replied, in a hushed tone. "I need to see this."

Inside, Ryo bounded over the bed to reach the table and pulled the lid off of the tray - only to quickly drop it on the floor. His plate was covered in fish - not a dish that used fish as an ingredient or a fillet of fish - but a large, complete animal, eye intact and pungent enough that Nino could smell it on the other side of the door. Beside the fish were the necessary tools to eat it, a glass of water and a roll on the side. Ryo sat down on his bed, hesitating with a knife in his hand. He glanced around the room, mumbling something to himself until he finally nodded and decided to slice off a piece.

He took a deep breath before putting it in his mouth and chewing with great effort, a pained look on his face. He made it through the first bite and then slowly moved to take the second. He stopped - staring down at his food that had the audacity to mock him with a lingering smile on its dead face. More hesitation.

Finally Ryo dropped his utensils and ran to the bathroom, the retching sound floating out into the hall where Nino gave a small smirk.

"Sir?" the staff member asked again. "I had a question about Nishikido's dietary plan?" He continued before Nino could even glance his way. "I noticed that it's heavy on fish and I don't think that Nishikido can eat-"

Nino's face lost all expression as he turned to look at his employee, coldly. "Are you a doctor?"

"No, no sir."

"And am I?"

"Well, yes, but I've heard that-"

"He's on a strict diet for a particular reason, so unless you want to mess that up with your uninformed opinion and then tell all of his fans that he died from a treatable condition because you heard something, I suggest you get back to work and let the dietitian decide what's best for my patients."

"Yes sir, I'm sorry." He nodded in apology and quickly walked away, leaving Nino alone in the hallway.

He looked back through the window just in time to see Ryo staggering out of the bathroom, wiping his wrist across his mouth. After three strokes, he opened his palm and rubbed it across his eye, trying to qualm the growing desperation. Ryo walked back to the table and was huffing, out of breath. He yelled and picked up the tray, throwing it all at the giant windows on the other side of the bed. It clanked, didn't make a scratch. The fish landed on his floor with a plop, bits that had already been cut up spread out across his room, some even on his bedspread. With another cry of frustration he sunk down to the floor.

Nino let out a small snort of satisfaction. After a few minutes, he lowered himself and crouched down below the window as low as he could. Ryo had gotten up and was peering out, looking for a sign of staff members lingering in the hall.

When he was sure that Ryo had backed off, Nino looked in again, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the pack of cigarettes he had confiscated the day before. Ryo was quickly trying to get rid of the food - dumping what he could into the toilet, forcing himself to try to cut up the rest of the fish as much as he could to dispose of it. Nino felt around in his pockets for a lighter, setting flame to the end of the stick while he watched Ryo catch a glance of himself in the window.

Ryo stopped what he was doing. There was fish everywhere - even his sheets smelled like it. There was nothing left to eat. There was a giant reflective surface making sure he'd always be staring back at himself - ribs that were exposed on his frame somehow looking bigger in the glass than they ever did in real life. He crumpled up, weakly trying to pull the blanket off of the bed and put it over his face, finally breaking down.

Nino blew a breath of smoke onto the window's surface with a smile. He didn't finish, opting instead to stub the cigarette out on Ryo's door. "How's that song coming?" he said quietly, pulling out his glasses and putting them on.

After Sho was admitted for the night, complete with everything he needed - including a couple of off-the-record aids to help him sleep - Nino stopped by the nurse's station again. "Everything go okay tonight?"

Once she nodded, he continued. "I'll leave you to it, then. Thanks for your hard work. Ah, nurse?"

"Yes?"

"What about Shibutani?"

"He wouldn't eat, he knows that's how we've been medicating him," she answered. "So I dissolved it in his drink instead. He passed out on the couch."

"I think you should go ahead and use the restraints tonight," Nino finished. "He was giving some pretty clear warning signals during session today. And I'd be sure to keep him sedated tomorrow too - he's not going to be happy about this. We might start a schedule of sedation."

"Yes, sir. And Sakurai?"

Nino gave her a serious expression. "I'm not sure when he'll break," he said very pointedly. "We'll see." He waved goodnight.

Before he left, curiosity got the best of him and he found himself walking toward Toma's room one more time. The patient was still on his back, but had turned his head so that he could stare at the door - his gaze stupid and unwavering.

Nino reached up to pull the glasses off of his face, throwing them to the side with a mutter. "I hate these things." He rubbed his nose and looked again to see Toma blinking at him. For a minute, the patient's eyes seemed to drift from the door, a labored struggle to glance around the room and then back at the door as a glint of awareness set in and he furrowed his eyebrows as best he could. He tried to move his mouth but nothing came out but more saliva.

Nino narrowed his eyes at the sight. "Son of a bitch," he said under his breath.

*

"You're here early."

Nino cracked his neck and shrugged; he was sitting on the floor, his back up against the wall, between their two offices. "I wanted to make sure our new patient was as comfortable as possible."

Nakamaru nodded, working with his keys to open the door to his office while balancing an armful of texts and files he had brought from home. "You need to talk to food services. I stopped by to grab something on my way in and they were complaining about some of your orders."

"Oh?"

"You ordered them to serve Nishikido fish every meal?" he chastised. "That's expensive. Pick a cheaper way to antagonize him."

"You're not interested in eating disorders," Nino replied. "We have a bigger problem. The risperidone's not working like we want."

"Are you sure?"

"Ikuta was glaring and blinking at me last night."

Nakamaru sighed, nodding. "That's not completely unexpected."

"I think he's coming to," Nino finished. "Which is really unfortunate, because his estate's running out of funds."

"But I haven't even finished my proposal on the catatonia study yet," Nakamaru answered. "You don't care anymore, do you? Going to just let it dry out because the money's gone?"

"No," Nino said, rolling his eyes, "I'd like to keep my license, thank you. I say we start inducing seizures."

Nakamaru paused. "I could work around that. I don't think it'd prevent the study from being published once I'm done - just make sure you run all of his medical records by me before they get archived. Hm?" He glanced down, his cell phone ringing from his pocket. He flipped it open. "You better get your new boy Sakurai out of here."

"Why's that?"

"Okada's on his way."

Nino forewent swearing out of frustration and instead pushed himself up in a hurry - he put too much weight on the left wrist and gingerly shook it out. "Do me a favor, lock my office so he can't get the files?"

"Writing 'blah blah blah' in all of them, again? You know that doesn't help m-"

"Later, okay? Just go do it," he called, rushing down to the clinic. By the time he got there, Sho was already outside of his room, asking the staff if anyone had a copy of the morning's newspaper.

"I take it you slept well?" Nino said, lacking charm in his voice and panting from the run.

"Very much so," Sho answered, beaming. "And I'm not groggy at all. Maybe it's something in my apar-"

"Well, unfortunately I have to discharge you for the day so you can make it to the studio in time, but we'll be happy to see you again tonight."

"Oh, uh, right, tonight," Sho replied, a confused look on his face. "Where are your glasses?"

"Contacts," Nino shot back.

"Ah. If you don't mind my saying so, I think the glasses make you look a little more professional."

"I know they do," Nino muttered quietly. He continued, in a louder voice, immediately, before Sho could ask him to repeat himself. "I think it'll be okay if you just go ahead and go - if there's anything we need we'll get it tonight." He put a hand to Sho's arm, leading him to the exit.

"Sure. Hey, do you think it would be okay if I met Nishikido?" he asked.

"I'll ask him tonight."

"You don't think he'll mind right? I mean, you know him. I hate to be rude and invasive, but I would really love it if he autographed my CDs. Would he do that?"

"Probably, I guess. I'll ask. I'm glad it worked out for you - see you tonight."

Nino waved at the guard on the other side of the locked door, impatiently waiting for him to punch in the code. He didn't get the guy's attention immediately - he was too busy saying something to someone on the other side.

"Shit," Nino muttered, realizing too late as the door opened.

"Ah, Ninomiya," Okada said, waiting to come into the clinic on the other side. "Are you ready?"

"Keep walking," he growled, pulling Sho past the door, rushing him down the hallway toward the exit.

"Who's that?" Sho asked.

"Government mandated case worker, he comes and interferes - mostly bureaucratic crap. If you start talking to him you'll never get out of here on time."

Sho laughed in reply. "Nothing wrong with someone keeping tabs and making sure no one is taking liberties, you know?"

"What we gave you last night?" he answered. "Liberties." Nino opened the door for him.

"Gotcha. Can I ask one more thing?"

"Can it wait until tonight?"

"Well it's just, I called my friend this morning - the gossip reporter, to check in. I ended up asking her if she remembered what happened to Ikuta Toma."

Nino stiffened and changed his irritated expression into one of blank curiosity. "Oh?"

"Yeah. She said she had heard rumors back when he retired about having some health problems." Sho looked him in the eyes. "Rumor had it that he was suffering from mild anxiety at the time." He blocked the doorway and crossed his arms. "Tell me the truth."

"Um."

"Did your facility start that rumor to throw people off so no one would really know what was wrong with him?"

Nino smiled. "I can assure you," he answered. "We'll do as much or as little as you'd like."

Sho nodded. "Okay. So I'm not going to walk into an office with stories about chronic fatigue am I?"

"Of course not. Unless you want us to."

Sho laughed. "That's okay. Thanks, Doc, I'll see you later tonight."

Nino continued to smile, but something sincere and heated spread out in his expression - his eyes didn't just reflect warmth, they burned. "I'm counting on it." He waved Sho out the door and closed it with a sigh of relief.

"Forget about me?"

Nino turned around to see Okada standing there with a patient smile on his face. "Shall we begin?" he asked.

"Go away," Nino muttered to himself in return. He brushed by Okada and went straight down the hall, hurrying past Nakamaru's open door and waving at the guard well before he got to the door.

"Ninomiya," Okada called after him.

He started running, getting to the door just in time. "Don't let him in, we have a lock down situation," he yelled as he squeaked through the small open space.

"I didn't hear an alarm," the guard started to stay, dumbstruck and slow to react.

"Ninomiya," Okada said again. "You need to talk to me eventually."

Nino hurriedly stomped past the nurse's desk, jerking his head back in hopes whoever on duty would get the hint and run interference. It didn't work - they were all busy with their morning schedules. He didn't even have a patient to throw in the path as a decoy while he made a run for it.

"There are some things I want to talk to you about," Okada continued.

Nino was running out of space. At the end of the hall was nothing - a dark wall blocking him in, the outside of which he had never seen in his entire life. He didn't want to turn and pin himself up against it like a caught rat - it was much more satisfying to remain defiant to the end.

"It's okay, just tell me how your night went, how you're feeling this morning," Okada said.

"I hate you," Nino muttered to himself.

"Anything at all."

Nino looked around and picked the right corner to shove himself into, pushing his face into the crack where wall met wall and put all of his force into hoping that magically it'd open up to an escape route.

"Did you enjoy dinner last night?"

"I don't want to go back," Nino said, a small crack of pain in his voice. He scratched at the wall, his fingertips hurting and his left wrist sore from the intensity.

"Maybe a favorite tv show you could tell me about?"

"I don't want to go back."

"I'm just trying to help you. Would you feel more comfortable if we did this somewhere else?"

He closed his eyes, knowing that it was over, and sighed, letting the walls melt and drip away out of existence.

Ninomiya Kazunari opened his eyes, sighing in disgust and rolling the back of his head against his chair. He refused to acknowledge the other person in the room and instead gave his best expression of pure irritation, a skill crafted in his teen years. His loathing was palpable.

Dr. Okada sat across from him in his chair, one leg propped up on a knee. He smiled. "Just talk to me."

Ninomiya sat there.

"Hm, that's okay. Maybe not today, huh?" Dr. Okada replied. "Maybe you'll feel like it tomorrow." He nodded and continued, "You really don't like me, do you?"

Ninomiya's eyes were narrowed to nothing more than slits. It was the most response he was going to give - everything else would have given the psychiatrist the satisfaction of having elicited something akin to a conversation.

Dr. Okada paused and smiled. "That looks like a yes - you're back to reality, at least," he concluded. "It doesn't have to be about stuff here in the hospital. We can talk about where you go, if you want. What do you do when you go there?"

Ninomiya's stare lost its focus as he settled in for the long haul.

"Is it some place you've been before, or a place you made up?"

He wrapped his fingers around the hospital ID bracelet on his left wrist and started rubbing at it, a near constant tic he had developed over the years.

"Okay, okay, you know I always have to try," Dr. Okada said. "I think I've antagonized you enough today." He stood and opened the door to his office, waving at the orderly waiting outside. "You can escort him back now."

The orderly was a short, thin man - not much different in build than Ninomiya himself. He had long black hair that he kept up in some sort of knot while at work. His security ID tag, which read "Shibutani," was attached to the bottom of his scrubs top, so out of sight that it defeated the purpose of wearing it. "Back to his room?" he asked.

"No," Dr. Okada answered. "Why don't you take him to the common area? It's almost lunchtime, besides, the socialization is a good thing." He put a hand on Ninomiya's shoulder as Shibutani led him out. "We'll try again tomorrow, okay? You can tell me anything, anything at all. Whenever you're ready."

Shibutani led Ninomiya down the hall, disinterestedly tugging on his top to keep him moving in the right direction. He stopped mid-hallway. "You can walk on your own, right?" Shibutani asked him. "You know where we're at."

Ninomiya didn't move.

"I hate this job," Shibutani muttered, getting behind and pushing. "I asked them last time to let me use a wheelchair to haul your uncooperative ass around but they said they were reserved for disabled and catatonic patients." He stopped shortly and looked Ninomiya over. "You're close enough to one of those, right?"

Ninomiya didn't turn his head, but looked over to his side to acknowledge the other.

Shibutani sighed and continued to push him forward. He got as far as the couch in the common room and gave up, settling on positioning him next to another patient and pushing him down, panting slightly as he wiped his hands off. "Play nice with Yuichi, huh?" he said, walking away.

Next to him, Nakamaru Yuichi turned his head with a pleasant but spacey smile. "My name's Yuichi," he said.

Ninomiya knew. He heard it at least seven times a day.

"Ah, Yuichi," called a friendly voice. Nurse Ikuta crouched before him and smiled. "I think it's time for your medication," he said, putting a hand on his knee.

"My name's Yuichi," he repeated. "I forgot my sweater."

"No," Nurse Ikuta answered, "you're wearing your sweater right now, remember?" He tugged a little on it, causing the other to look down and see the familiar print on his chest.

"Oh."

"I'll get your medication in a little bit and then maybe we can go outside for a while, would you like that?" Nurse Ikuta looked over to the side and stuck his tongue out slightly to stop a smile from spreading. "Kazunari seems to be glaring at me again."

Ninomiya smiled slightly, his eyes still narrowed.

"Maybe he wants to come with us, huh?" Nurse Ikuta asked. "It's really nice outside."

"No, thanks," Ninomiya answered.

"How about a game later?"

"I want to go back to my room."

Nurse Ikuta nodded. "Okay, but I'm coming to check on you this afternoon and I'm bringing cards." He looked over his shoulder. "Nurse Sakurai? I need to take care of Yuichi, here, would you mind escorting Kazunari back to his room?"

The new employee nodded but slowed his pace as he came to the couch. "He looks like he wants to eat me," Nurse Sakurai whispered.

"Don't worry about it," Nurse Ikuta replied. "He won't bite. You're new."

Nurse Sakurai looked horrified.

"It's a joke," Nurse Ikuta assured him. "Sixth room on the left, near the end. I'll send your lunch in there, okay?"

Soon Ninomiya was back to his room, back to his bed, left solitary, the lights off. He wasn't allowed to close his door, but the main activity was far enough away that he had no problem blocking it out. He was a master of making the world go away - tuning out distant voices was something that challenged only amateurs. He stretched out on the bed and sighed, happy to be rid of all the nosy people who kept poking into his world, the real world, like thorns sticking out of a bouquet of roses. It was so much easier to get along with people when people weren't there.

He was starting to settle back in, the plain walls of the hospital swirling back into the more inviting walls of his clinic; the sounds of aimless patients changing chord by chord into busy employees quietly doing his will. The chains of his captors that kept him in that hell hole and forced everything on him fell away to the freedom of the rightful world. He was about to regain control.

A slight knocking at his door jolted him back. "Ninomiya?"

Nishikido Ryo, an orderly in scrubs that looked too large for his frame, was at the door, looking in hesitantly with a tray in his hands. "It's lunchtime." He pulled the rolling table over to the bed and sat the tray down, flipping on the light switch while he waited for Ninomiya to sit up.

"I think you'll like today's lunch," he said, the smell of cigarette smoke heavy on his breath. He grabbed the spare chair and pulled it up to the bed. "It looks great, I wish it was my lunch." He lifted off the lid and held it in his lap. "Just a bit, okay? Then I can go back and tell them you ate it."

Ninomiya glared at him, but complied in picking up the fork. He looked over the plate, silently calculating. He finally decided on the potatoes - a glob of white mush slopped together in a mound.

"Yeah? See, it's not that hard," Nishikido commented.

Ninomiya scooted some of the potatoes around, dug in and squished, like making a sandcastle, until he found what he was looking for. Two pills hidden in the middle. He scooped them up in the fork and held it out, his glare concentrated back on the orderly.

"Give me a break," Nishikido complained. "You're getting harder and harder to medicate, I was running out of options. Just take them, okay? They're good for you."

Ninomiya smiled at him, something he wasn't used to seeing, and then put the forkful in his mouth.

"There you go!" Nishikido said, jumping up. "That's great! See, I knew you cou-"

Ninomiya started to shake his head and wheeze, choking noises from his mouth and a change of color in his face. He motioned for Nishikido to come over and help. When the orderly was close enough to touch him, lost in the dizzied worry that his patient was choking, Ninomiya aimed and spat - shooting both pills right at his face and hitting around the eye.

"Shit," Nishikido yelled, wiping the food off of his face quickly.

Ninomiya pushed the roll-away table back and stretched out on his bed with a smile. Nishikido's yelping and protests faded out and his angry, tanned face suddenly became sunken and afraid - small and scared, evasive. Life had drained out of him and he sat there, curled up into a chair as a skeleton of a man on the verge of cracking - a child waiting to be lectured.

"So, how are you feeling today?" Nino asked, putting his glasses on and opening the folder, pen at the ready.

Ryo cleared his throat trying to answer. "F-fine," he replied.

"I'm sorry about the workmen in your room this morning," Nino continued, looking down at the piece of paper in front of him. So far he had already managed to scribble a few video game characters, a fish or two, and a slew of less than pleasant epithets that went on for pages and pages, replacing Ryo's medical history, allergies and next of kin. "They apparently installed things incorrectly, so the curtains and blinds will be down for another week, at least."

Ryo blinked, turning his head away - moving it around continuously so as not to settle in place and let the facade break - the bite on his lip so hard that he was close to drawing blood. "It's okay," he said quietly.

"They might have to change the lock too, but I promise," Nino replied, looking up at him, smile curled on his lips, "I'll pay you back."


End file.
